You came into my life seven months ago and you rocked it. You took everything I knew about myself, my health, and my life, and you turned it upside down. One minute, I was standing in line to get food with my friends, and the next, I was waking up on the ground next to a paramedic. Until that moment, I had been in nearly perfect health and never so much as broken a bone. Little did I know, you would cause me to be hospitalized multiple times in one year and make it necessary for me to undergo surgery.
There is truly no feeling like waking up from a seizure. It’s something that I can’t possibly get used to, and I shouldn’t have to. You made me wake up on the ground, completely disoriented and incredibly afraid. You made me deal with a reality that I never imagined would be mine.
You take me and you push me around. You made me afraid of living my life the way I used to before I was diagnosed. You’ve made me walk on carpets because I’m afraid to fall on hardwood floors. You’ve made me wonder if I’ll ever be able to be the person I was and do the things I did before. You’ve made me so depressed, I could barely move.
I know you want me to think about you. You want me to spend every waking moment worrying about what’s going to happen next. What if my car crashes? Will I have to go to the hospital again today? Will I be able to ever go swimming again?
You’ve taken my anxious mind and you’ve made it race time and time again. You’ve kept me awake night after night. You’ve kept me glued to my computer screen, researching statistics for hours and hours.
You can take my driver’s license, my ability to work, and my freedom. But you can’t take my peace of mind. You can certainly try, and some days, you are successful. But I plan to make the best of the hand I was dealt, no matter what that may be.
You can’t defeat me. You can sure as hell try. You can take everything away from me. You can make me wake up on the floor another thousand times, but you won’t take my happiness. There may be a day or two here or there, but you won’t make me doubt who I am. You don’t define me. I define me. And I choose to do everything I planned to do before you came along. You may not have a cure, but I am a fighter, and I will work until you aren’t even a thought anymore.
You came into my life when I least expected you, and you have made me stronger than I have ever imagined I could be. You’ve presented an impossible challenge and forced me to do whatever I could to deal with it. And I have. I’ve woken up every morning with a smile on my face and live my life as I planned. Nothing you present me with is going to change that. I can handle whatever you throw at me, just watch. You will never win. I promise.
A Fighting Epileptic Bryana Cielo